Living in the How: Dollars and Sense

If I were to write another blog post about blowing up my life as I knew it, I would say something about why my choices of where to move seemed limited to either Florida or Vermont. There ARE 48 other states in this country. But people of a certain age usually go where they know someone already. Friends or family, sometimes both if they’re lucky. I don’t have the guts to plant myself just anywhere and hey, having family in either of these places doesn’t mean I will like it. But it’s a start. I am battling my way out of the quicksands of mediocrity, give me a break.
If I were to write another blog post, I would write about the money terrors that grip me regularly and send me spinning down dark holes of depression and resentment for days at a time. It taints everything. I am not alone in this, we are all assaulted by commercials pointing out we won’t have enough money, will outlive our reserves and end up wallowing in a bug-infested medicaid bed at the end of our days, if we are lucky, or unlucky, to live that long. My fear has grown horns, it is beyond reason or logic, it leaves me writhing in turmoil and blame, I am tortured regularly but especially when it’s time to pay bills when certain things are all too clear.
This is how fear sneaks in, doing stuff like this and paying enough attention to it by writing about it. The fear about not having “enough” money is my….I was going to say “downfall,” but my Buddhist brother would cut in and say, it is a GATEWAY.
What I really want is a grownup to tell me what to do, how to do it, parse out all the pieces, including the dollars and how to put them together, a skill everyone seems to have but me. I want a grownup to assure me all will be well, it will turn out okay. I have been waiting for the that grownup to appear, but instead, the writer showed up.

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One Response to Living in the How: Dollars and Sense

  1. I don't think you're alone in worrying about the future. I'm sure you will figure it all out and be happy with the outcome.

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